Kari’s journal

This post is not about anything specific, it is a reflection on something I was thinking about recently.

I have always been a person who is prone to rooting for the underdog. I do not exactly know why it is so, but something about being second has always appealed to me. I kind of resent winning, even if it is me who wins, because winning means completion, achievement, closure. Failure on the other hand does not, it provides better opportunities to grow, to learn, to be better. Winning makes you complacent, arrogant and careless, whereas losing makes you work harder, faster, better.

In Estonia (and I guess in much of the Western world) winning and success are celebrated and revered. Nobody wants to be a loser, nobody cares about the guy who finished second. Being a winner/successful creates pressure to keep it that way, whereas people who are the underdogs can take it easier and cooler. The pressure to be successful in terms of the society (meaning mostly fame and money), is big and people sometimes take desparate measures to achieve those things. That is why I have prejudice towards those who are successful.

I love underdogs and try to be one myself (I do not actually try to not succeed, I just do not work especially hard to succeed). I do not value much financial or societal success, but rather try to live on my own terms, in my own world, as much as it is possible. It means that I give up a lot of things and probably miss out on many exciting and interesting things in life, but it also means that I am honest and true to myself. This means that I act through others, try to keep myself in the shadows as much as I can. This also means that I have made the conscious choice not to appear or talk to the media or be publicly associated with a specific matter, even if there is a possibility for this, this is why I have so far not published any articles in the popular press. It is not that I do not think that I have nothing to say or that what I say might be worthless, I am just not going to play the game as much as I can and try to make my own playground where it is my rules. It is better for me that way.

That is why I have this blog as well. It is on my terms, nobody but me decides how the blog looks like, or what I write here or whether I keep writing at all. I can write small insignificant snippets about things that I am excited about or I can write longer, more reflective pieces. Nor do I desire a big readership for my blog. It is a blog for an underdog.